she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
