My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
