just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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