You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
