Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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