You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
