forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
