Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
bring money and cleavage
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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