No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
