I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
