People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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