i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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