They should really pass out barf bags in church
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
