i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
