he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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