Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
