Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
