My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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