There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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