I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
