my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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