STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
