remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
