In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
