ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
