There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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