Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He passed out mid-signature
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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