I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're a waste of cheezeits
These tits shall not be calmed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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