Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
