This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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