Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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