This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
