I hope mine doesn't look like that
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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