forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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