At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize