Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Are we still banned from the library?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
