there's paper in my vomit.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
