Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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