I'm lost and stupid without you.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
