the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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