you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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