I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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