How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
