Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my shit smells like andre
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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