i barfeds in our rink
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
These tits shall not be calmed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
