HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
