Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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