I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Randomize
