I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
