i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
