I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
