Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
