Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
