This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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