i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize