i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
