My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
