I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
