Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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