Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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