So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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