I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
