Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
