Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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