Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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