The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
