Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
