Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
