Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
