white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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