You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
