Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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