I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
