you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
