I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
