your room smells of hookers.
And success
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize