i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
