is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
