Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
