my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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