like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
