would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
