it wasn't lemon gatorade
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
