Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
