just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize