The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
