is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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