So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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