i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
