The maid of honor just puked.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize